10 Apr
Season 4 - Brian the Bachelor - Quotes
- Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit.
Doctor: Oh my, that’s a nasty one. I bet the other kids all call you zit face.
Chris: No.
Doctor: Pus peak?
Chris: No.
Doctor: Papa zit?
Chris: No.
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well, yeah.
- Stewie: Oh, I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side, you have some new material for that novel you’ve been writing. You know, the…the novel you’ve been working on. (voice getting higher pitched) You know, the…the one, uh, you been working on for three years. You know, the…the novel. Mm, got something new to write about now. You know, maybe…uh, maybe a main character gets into a relationship, suffers a little heart break. Something like uh, what…what you been, you just been through. Draw from the real life experience. Little uh, little heart break. You know…work it into the story. Make those characters a little more three dimensional. Little, uh, richer experience for the reader. Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing, what’s going to happen. Some twists and turns. Little epilogue, everybody learns the hero’s journey isn’t always a happy one. (voice returns to normal) Oh, I look forward to reading it.
- Contestant #1: Put your damn pants on!
Quagmire: Shut up.
- Brooke: Glen, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and tried to have sex with your unconscious body?
Brooke: What?
Quagmire: Yes.
- Stewie: How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
- Brian: I guess you can’t judge a Brooke by her cover. (Laughs) You can cut that out right? Oh, and maybe you can cut out when I said junk earlier, the whole Chevy Chase thing. Seems like he’s probably the kind of guy that would sue, he’s gotta have no money left.
- Brian: I was uh… very pleased and surprised, I was really not expecting an open bar. Top shelf booze, I tell ya. This guy knew his stuff. Made me a mojito. (sips) I don’t think its a gay drink. Mojito…
- Contestant #1: I’m super excited. Do you think she’ll be hot?
Contestant #2: I’ll bet she’ll be hot.
Contestant #3: I think she’ll be hot too!
Contestant #1: No Way! So do I!
