05 Apr
Season 4 - Blind Ambition - Quotes
- Peter: (To Horace) Hey, ya ever watch that show Scrubs? Yeah Lois had it on the other night, I was fading in and out, but I was wondering, which one’s the funny guy?
- Tom Tucker: In sadder news, the man who held the Guinness World Record for “Most Drugs Ever Done by a Single Human Being” died today; he was attacked by a pack of wild dogs he thought he saw.
- Peter: Okay, first of all, Bonnie, you’ve been pregnant for like six years, all right. Either have the baby or don’t.
- Tom: We go live with the local blind man. Sir, how did you suddenly summon the courage to save your friend from that burning building?
Peter: That freaking place was on fire?!
Tom: And there you have it. Coming up next, “Watch me shave.”
- Lois: Peter, you’re really are putting away those Mentos. Peter: Oh, these aren’t Mentos, Lois. Everybody, you are looking at a guy who is going to set a new world record. I am going to eat more nickels than anyone has ever eaten before.
- Stewie: This is the worst use of money since I tricked out my Big Wheel.
- Stewie: OK, OK if I make this we’re all going to get laid.
(He shoots a crumpled paper ball into Brian’s cone)
Stewie: Haha Yes! Score, Score!
Brian: Boy I’d really like to chew on my crotch right now.
- Tom: Coming up! Diane’s weight.
- God(to woman): Hey! Wanna see what I can do? Alright. Ready? Check it out. Beer. Glass. Alright. Oh, I guess I’ll go over here for a minute, (hums tune) oh, holy crap that’s still pouring itself! Oh, wow that’s amazing. I’ve never seen anyone do that! You wanna go out later?
- Mort: (on bowling a perfect game) I just never stopped believing. Say no to acid!
- Peter: This sucks. Now the only thing anybody’s going to remember me for after I die is being that blind guy.
Brian: Don’t give up yet, Peter.
I mean, many blind people live rich fulfilling lives.
Peter: Oh, I don’t know Brian. I mean, I guess can give it a shot.
(Peter gets up from the couch and walks past Stewie)
(Stewie trips Peter with an Ottoman, and Peter falls to the ground)
Stewie: Ha-ha-ha. Oh my God, I almost didn’t do it. I ALMOST didn’t do it. I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I’m so glad I did. Oooh, worth it. Totally worth it.
- (Quagmire is trying to think up things so he doesn’t get excited.)
Quagmire: Oh oh, oh god, oh god, dead kittens, dead kittens, uh, old nuns, uh, really old nuns, uh Renée Zellweger (sigh of relief ) ahh, there we go.
- Cleveland: I must say, I do feel a strange satisfaction watchin’ the black ball topple all those self-righteous white pins.
Joe: Can’t blame ‘em for being self-righteous, the black ball’s in their neighborhood uninvited.
Cleveland: The black ball’s done nothing wrong.
Joe: If the black ball’s innocent it has nothing to fear.
- (Quagmire runs through the mall and topples into a bunch of woman mannequins)Quagmire: Oh! Naked plastic chicks!
- God: Here, let me light that for you, babe.
(Thunderbolt to the cigarette)
Girl: Hey, thanks!
God: Yep, magic fingers. (laughs)
(Thunderbolt to the girl burning/killing her.)
God: Jesus Christ!
Jesus: What?
God: Get the Escalade, we’re outta here!
- Brunette: Thank God you know CPR.
Quagmire: What the hell’s CPR?
