07 Apr
Season 3 - Ready, Willing, and Disabled - Quotes
- (Stewie, Meg and Chris have one hand on the $26)
Stewie: Alright, I know how to settle this. Whoever wants the money, raise your hand.
(They all raise their other hand)
Stewie: You’re smarter than I thought. Give yourselves a round of applause.
(Nobody does so)
Stewie: Damn!
- (After Meg reaches inside Stewie’s pants for the $26)
Stewie: Oh, very clever. Take another reach, you forgot your change.
- Peter: Hey, cheer up Joe. Whaddya say you and me go roller ska- Bike ri- Jump ro- Go lie on the grass?
- Joe: (to Disabled Guy) Yeah! How do you like that, buddy?
Disabled Guy: A sphincter says what.
Joe: What?
Disabled Guy: Hahaha, You stupid bastard.
- TV Announcer: We now return to Touched by an Angel.
Lawyer: (Holding up a doll) Now where exactly did the angel touch you?
Boy: (pointing to the crotch) Here.
Angel: Oh come on, who are you going to believe? I’ve got a freakin’ halo.
- Meg: I’m sure the money clip will be safe in my room.
Stewie: I’m sure it will be lost throughout the pictures of Justin Timberlake or Tom Cruise or … blast, who the devil do teenagers like … or Morgan Freeman.
- Peter: I demand commercial endorsments and a TV movie based on me starring Valerie Bert-n-Ernie.
- Joe: Hey Peter, this water tastes kind of funny.
Peter: What do you mean like “ha ha” Jerry Seinfeld funny, or Elaine Boosler “God bless her she’s trying” funny?
- Peter: What kind of talk is that? It’s un-American! Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of his father’s friend’s money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit after gettin’ arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit-
Joe: I get the message, Peter!
- Peter: You don’t have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk.
- Peter: Just don’t forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight, I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it.
- Stewie: Now fess up, or I’ll do to you what I did to John Lennon.
(Flashback)
Stewie: John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John?
- Tom Tucker: Coming up in the next half-hour, our undercover exposé on conveniently placed news reports in television shows. But first, Peter, look out for that skateboard.
(Peter trips on a skateboard)
