- Bird Scientist: This bird is a very rare species; The endangered white-rumped swallow.
Chris: (laughs) Rump.
Peter: This isn’t funny, Chris! (laugh) Swallow.
- Dr. Hartman: Right through here. Just tell the disorderly when you’re ready to leave.
Brian: Don’t you mean the orderly?
Dr. Hartman: No, the disorderly. (Laughs) Thats a little medical joke. We also like Kevin Pollack.
- Stewie: Ah-hah! So they do make bigger diapers. That deceitful woman told me I’d have to learn to use the toilet! Well, fie on the toilet! It’s made slaves of you all. I’ve seen it sitting in there: lazy, slothful, porcelain lay-about, feeding on other people’s doo doos while contributing nothing of its own to society. You get a job!
- Pearl: What is this, spit soup?
Brian: Tomato bisque.
Pearl: What is this, snot soup?
Brian: Tomato bisque.
Pearl: What is this, diarrhea soup?
- Brian: Uh! Excuse me, would you like to taste my smoked meat log?
- Brian: Why don’t you do the world a favor and drop dead!
- Brian: (singing)
The ’60s brought the hippie breed,
And decades later, things have changed indeed.
We lost the values, but we kept the weed.
You’ve got a lot to see!
The Reagan years have laid the frame for movie stars to play the White House game.
We’re not too far from voting Feldman-Haim.
You’ve got a lot to see!
The town of Vegas has got a different face, because it’s a family place with lots to do.
Where in the ’50s, a man could mingle with scores of all the seediest whores… Now his children can, too!
You heard it from the canine’s mouth,
The country’s changed, that is, except the South!
No one really knows, my dear lady friend just quite how it all will end,
So, hurry ’cause you’ve got a lot to see!
The baldness gene was cause for dread, but That’s a fear that you can put to bed.
They’ll shave your ass and glue it on your head!
You’ve got a lot to see!
The PC age has moved the bar
A word like ‘redneck’ is a step too far.
The proper term is country-music star!
You’ve got a lot to see!
Our flashy cell phones make people mumble Gee whiz, look how important he is, his life must rule!
You’ll get a tumor, but on your surgery day, the doc will see it and say “wow, you must really be cool!”
Tom Tucker: There’s lots of things you may have missed.
Adam West: Like Pee Wee and his famous wrist.
Cleveland: Or Sandy Duncan’s creepy phony eye.
Neil: That awesome Thunder Cats cartoon.
Diane Simmons: Neil Armstrong landing on the moon.
Meg: Neil Armstrong? Wait, was he that trumpet guy?
Brian: (singing) So, let’s go see the USA.
They’ll treat you right unless you’re black or gay or Cherokee.
But you can forgive the world and its flaws, and follow me there because
you’ve still got a hell of a lot to see
You’ve got a lot to see!
- Lois: Hey Brian… you’re home early. What happened with your date?
Brian: Same thing that always happens, she was an idiot.
Posted In: Best Quotes
